Monday, January 17, 2011

Of What I Learnt From 2010

Every day, I've been promising myself that I'd restart blogging tomorrow and have actually been successful in finding valid reasons for failing to do so. Quite some time since I got out time to type out something and it's already a new year. I hope everyone who's reading this is blessed with a fabulous year, and the rest may start taking up the reading habit soon. (:P)

This post is kind of personal, not discussing things in general but obviously I will also not prefer opening my life chapter to the world. So honestly today I have no other intention but to go through my past year, save some memories and maybe even convey a few messages I received from life.

So, the year didn't start as good as it should have. The thing is that I was thrown to the face of the Earth on the second of the new month of the New Year. So, it didn't start that great, it never does actually. One of the days I dread the most in the year is my birthday because unintentionally I used to expect a lot of it and it actually used to depress me in a way or another. Now before going over 2010, let me share something from this year, this birthday because it is kind of a turning point. So this year, while I was going through the same trauma, I decided to talk to a friend so that I can control my self and feel a bit better... I believe it was the best decision of my life, as that night I learnt something that would change every "start of the year" for me.

My twin sister from another mister told me that she felt the same, that every person, in a way, tries to make your special day the most casual, worthless and ordinary day of the year. So she taught me something that she had recently learnt as well, that hell, my birthday is MY special day. It actually IS ordinary for every other person on the planet except maybe your mother, and the rest of the people whom you share the birth date with. So no one is going to make an effort to make it special because it's an ordinary day for everyone else. It's my special day and I, myself have to make it special.
It reminded me of how blessed I am, of all the continuous phone calls as the clock struck 12AM on January 2nd, 2011, of how better and relieved I felt this year than the last one...

Numerous wishes, pledges, blessings come your way at such occasions. I decided not being part of the chain by forwarding the lame crap ahead a long time ago. But however, I found my self making false promises to the people I care(d) about, giving my self false reasons to part from people I love, trying to feel happy and actually failing. A lot of it came from lack of self confidence. I don't know but somehow the last year changed me a lot as a person. I guess, you really do become an adult at eighteen. So, best of all, I learnt to say 'no' last year. I never actually knew how important that was. I actually took pride in being the fool who's fine at being used, etc. But there was even better to come, I learnt to keep friends and to love them. I never actually thought I would because I'm supposedly accused of changing friend circles a little too often. But now I'm proud to say that I have friends whom I will cherish throughout my life and will try to exploit the best of their capabilities for my future plans. :D

I learnt to learn, from every point and angle of life, I learnt to love learning, I learnt to express myself and vent out my feelings in one way or another. I'm still trying to learn to express myself in a productive manner, in a way that not only I learn from it, but so do others. I believe this is the start of it. I usually have so much to say inside me, so much to share, but I'm not one of the persons that you'd expect to give you a life lesson, especially in a very casual moment. I actually let out very sensitive stuff in an extremely casual manner, most of the time. It's up to the person who actually hits the chord with me to understand my actual reasoning and concern behind the topic in discussion.

Another thing I learnt was to make decisions and to trust people, even if I have to feel sorry for doing so. But I'm proud of myself of giving them a chance, and will be even more proud for giving them a second one, for my friends, charity begins at home, home is where your friends are and... Nobody is perfect. :)

One of the most important things I learnt last year was to love myself, the way I am and with the gifts I've been blessed. I look behind at the past year and regret nothing at all but to have hurt quite a few people, who will stay in my life forever. All the mistakes did make me a better person, so I am proud of my mistakes as I am of my achievements. Now I look forward to tomorrow, for making new mistakes, exploring new horizons and learning something new with every new day and new mistake. Let's hope that all of us learn and have the window of our heart open for new things, new friends, new experiences, let them be pleasant or not and most of all, let's learn to hope and explore the wonder that optimism is.

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. - Seneca quotes

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